thank you

thank you... akala ko hindi mo alam ang ginagawa mo... kung gusto kitang saktan matagal ko ng ginawa... so ganun pala, ala kang magawa saten..m not stupid, i know well why?.. coz masasaktan mo siya.. so ako, okay lang na masaktan?... bakit, sasabihin mo rin na kasi kaya ko...at siya baka hindi... kasi m strong...i dnt think that gave you or anybody else the right to hurt me this way.. kung sa right lang naman, i have all the right, the reason to hurt you and even to hurt her.. pero ginawa ko ba, no....because i know what it feels like to be badly hurt. i keep on telling you to smile, to always smile... EVER WONDER WHY? you will never know, you will never know why... you will never know what it means to be really happy.. what real happiness is... you said maybe not here... why? does loving someone needs a right place for you to love that person... if you're coward here and now, you'll always be like that no matter where you are.. dnt let other people dictate you... ive been telling you that ever since, and you never learn or you really don't want to...even if you're already hurting the only person who have loved you that much as you've told me. sabi mo ang sama na ng tingin mo sa sarili mo. That's my second reason...i dn't wanna accept the truth na ganyan na rin ang tingin ko sayo, coz di lang ikaw ang nasasaktan, lalong lalo na ako... kapag nakatalikod ka sa akin, isang masamang tao ang nakikita ko, and i dnt like thinkung about it..gusto ko na lumayo para di ka maging ganyan, di mo alam kung gaano kahirap sa akin ito... kailangan kong saktan ang sarili ko para mapasaya mo ang iba...because kapag kasama naman kita, everything is okay...pero kapag di na kita kasama, naaalala ko siya and naaawa ako sa kanya...does she know what's happening...minsan naman nagagalit ako sa kanya na gusto ko na siyang saktan..even if i know how easy it is for me to hurt her, di ko magawa...even if dati, it was so easy for her to make me cry, did i fight back, i did not...now what do i get... thank you, tell her thank you...and by the way, happy birthday on monday.. don't think that i forgot it, i will never ever forget that day...2 years ago, ang pinaka unang tao na nang-away sa akin...nang-insulto ng pagkatao ko...someone na hinayaan ko lang na saktan ako coz i thought she doesn't know what she's doing, pero now...thinking about it, she knew well enough what she's doing... the main reason...why this is happening, i will not tell you..coz alam mo na kung ano iyon...akala mo ba, kapag kasama mo ako, totoo na masaya ako...no...even if one day, you tell me that you love me, you will never make me happy... ang pinaka masakit sa lahat...na even if i fight for it, no matter what i do ill never win not unless you let me...all is up to you...sa ngayon, im 80% sure that ill lose...kahit siguro one day magkita tayo sa labas, alam ko talo pa rin ako...im praying na sana sa labas, iba ka na pero ayoko ng umasa... m not stupid, many times, alam ko ang mga pagsisinungalimg mo pero di ko pinapahalata...coz i know masasktan ka lng..makakalimutan din kita...i will do everything para makalimutan ka...kahit mahirap and i dnt know if kaya ko, pipilitin ko..stop the hurting, baka mas madami pa ang masaktan...as ive told you, kaya ko pa, kinakaya ko pa...maybe tama ng ako na lang...hindi niya kakayanin and alam kong lalo na ikaw...hangga't hindi mo kayang manindigan sa kung ano ang gusto mo, it is so easy for you to get hurt...natatakot kang magbigay kasi natatakot kang masaktan...you will never find true happiness coz you... what's in me right now...really saying what's on ones mind helps a lot... a while ago, i'm crying a river...now okay na namn ang lahat...i have to change this attitude of mine...hahaha...hay naku, ang hirap magmahal, nakakaloka...one day magiging manhid din ako...promise, pipilitin ko....