why

first time na saktan mo ako ng ganun..do you really have to text me like that. hay ewan, nway goodbye chess. ayoko na...
tapos gusto mo ko makita now na sure ka ng this is the last time..para ano, para saktan ulit ako. you want to give me something after mo ko saktan, para ano , para maalala lagi na sinaktan mo ko. sana if naging ok paghihiwalay natin, sige pero ang sabihan ako bwt be careful whose toes you are stepping today coz .... yaba ano un. ewan , i just can't believe na nagawa mo na itext sa akin ang ganun...tama na...

respect

time passed and naisip ko...bakit nga ba ganun ang mga tao. if angry, sad or is feeling something na di normal---can think of anything or do anything na that person doesn't usually do. people have treated me badly before, have said bad things about me, have hurt me and offended me----even if they don't know the real me. Dati, i used to regret not doing anything about it. Even after a certain event i would tell myself, i should have fought and have defended myself back then. But thinking about it again today, i'm glad i never fought back. People can say anything they want. Yes, they have hurt you, but if you know for yourself that you can handle it, then don't mind them. In the end, it will be you who will live at peace, with no worries and all. We have different ways of handling anger and fear. This is how i handle mine. Through writing, as if i'm the bravest person ever. But in reality, the only word that i can say is that you are "bad", funny but it's true. Siguro kung kaya ko manakit ng tao, na sometimes how i wish i can, kahit through words lang, siguro matagal ko ng ginawa. Pero hindi ko magawa coz i was raised as a very sensitive person. Kahit ako, gusto ko intindihin ang lahat. Minsan may mga bagay lang talaga na di ko kaya... Have you ever been to a situation na pakiramdam mo niloko ka ng lahat ng tao na hindi ka na dapat magtiwala no matter what, well ako oo. To the point na lahat gusto ko idamay o kung minsan naman gusto ko isisi sa isang tao lang at saktan ko siya ng sobra...pero hindi ko magawa, or ayaw kong gawin. Kasi ano mapapala ko pagkatapos, ala. In the end magsisisi lang ako coz i know na hindi ako ganun at dapat di ko ginawa ang ganun sa iba. Mahirap ipilit ang bagay na hindi talaga meant for you. Dun pumapasok iyong ala ka na lang iba pwede gawin kundi respetuhin kung anuman ang gusto nung tao para konti lang ang masaktan. Yes i'm hurting right now and kahit alam mo how to ease this pain...if di mo magawa or ayaw mo talaga gawin, at least let me grieve...if you literally can't do anything about it, then let it be...just DON'T do anything na lang. if i want to hurt somebody, i have all the resources to do it but i don't even bother to...all i'm asking is a little respect...if i can't lean on your shoulder then let me cry on my own, i may have said bad things about somebody coz i'm feeling so down right now and you can't be there to make me feel good again, then just let me hurt myself...after all, saying bad things to others through this will only hurt Nanette Ortiz in the end, di ba.. Funny...how easy it is for others to hurt someone..how i wish i can't feel a thing, then maybe evrything will be alright...again.

confusion...

i was far away for two days. kung hindi pa ako magparamdam, as if i don't exist. well it gave me enough time to think about things. kahit ganito ang nangyari sa akin, at first akala ko hindi ko na maibabalik ung dating nanette...
but i know myself that much, at times i may be so weak but i know how to deal with it. sometimes people say that it shouldn't be the case that i can't live without you. you know, i can live without you, i just don't want to. through words and deeds ive shown you how much i love you and how you mean to me..still i'm not enough.
habang nasa byahe, habang nasa bahay, naisip ko hindi ako ang may problema. kung ikukumpara ko ang sarili ko sa kanya, though i don't know her that much, i believe that i'm better than her. and still you chose her. hindi siya o ako ang issue dito kundi sa kung sino ang gusto mo. kong ano ang gusto mo more than anything else.
when i'm happy lagi mo sinisingitan na, "i know this is not for long"... from the very start you already knew what you want with your life, and i, i will end up with nothing.. sabi ko don't let other people control you, it seems now that i'm the one being controlled by the situation. being with you, seeing you happy makes me happy. kaw? being with her, making her happy makes you happy. i think i'm missing something here. sabi nga ni mama. darating na lang yan ng hindi mo inaasahan.
kasi bakit may iba, na kahit paulit ulit mo ng saktan, since they knew well enough what they want, they never give up. minsan i find them pathetic and minsan naman natutuwa and hinahangaan ko sila. tapos bigla ko naisip, parang ganun yata ako ngayon, pero pathetic lang, hehehe. one year, i've been norturing this feeling on my own. hoping and wishing that it will bear fruits, be healthy and live longer. but i alone cannot make a plant grow healthy if may mga needs ito na hindi lang ako ang pwede magbigay..
sad kapag hindi mo mahanap kung ano ang makakapagpataba sa plant na inaalagaan mo. may something sa kanya na hindi mo makita sa akin and i believe may something sa akin na hindi mo makita sa kanya. still, you can live without me and without her you can't....now, what am i doing? waiting for a miracle, hahahaha. ganito na ako , ito na ako.. i am not perfect, no one is, but i believe i can be perfect in ones eyes kapag mahal niya ako. i guess di pa dumarating ang tao na iyon.
many times i've told you how much i love you, your ups and downs and all...but you don't love me for who i am. i will never be enough, i know. kahit siguro ano ang gawin ko, i will never be,because hindi ako ang hinahanap mo. sad to say but its true.
you know what, i took chess class for you. i want you to be proud of me. well i don't know if it still matter now. lately, i want to be proud of myself na kaya ko manalo over kahit sa isang guy lang, ang saya siguro ng pakiramdam ng ganun,hehehe.
now na aalis na si rhea, at gusto ko na ring umalis, you have all the time na to spend with her. wala ng rhea na magtatampo kapag di ka nakapunta at wala na ring nanette na kahit hindi mo lang matext nagtatampo na agad. minsan hindi ko alam if gusto mo rin ba akong makita o dahil iyon ang gusto ko. now hindi mo na kailangang magsinungaling, think of excuses why you can't do this and you can't do that...
ilang araw na lang. one year to be exact na...feeling ko more than two years kita naging boyfriend because kahit nawala ka, hindi kita tuluyang pinaalis sa buhay ko. i never gave up on you. minsan ayaw ko sumuko pero now iba ang nakikita ko. parang everyone including you is telling me now to stop. because this whole thing is pointless and all.
for the last time, i will tell you that i love you. that even if i can live without you, if given the chance, i will choose not to coz i really don't want to. i need you in my life but if you don't feel tha same thing, so be it...at least ive tried and ive told you what i really feel.
don't bother with any closure or whatsoever, i no longer want you to see me cry... i no longer want to cry or to be seen by others crying.

thank you

thank you.. you didn't know how sad i was today. but you know what, it amazes me a lot.. just looking at someones face, no matter how sad you are...nawawala lahat ng sadness mo.. naiiyak ako pero di ko magawa kanina..mixed emotions...basta...kahit mukhang ngarag na ngarag ka, ok lng...kahit ano pa itsura mo, ang importante nakita kita...thank you..

if only i can...

what a day...
i had a bad day today.
well, i feel sick and all but i have no choice but go to school.
last night i kept thinking bwt you. if only i can be really drunk then maybe the moment my back touches my bed,ill be asleep already.
i've been thinking, can i really handle this. is this what i want..do i have a choice...
i don't know. you have told me many times before, there is nothing i can do...WHY?
all i know os that you don't want to hurt her but its okay to hurt me. you don't want to see her cry but its okay to make me cry. you don't wana see her sad but its okay to make me sad. WHY? because she makes you happy and i don't. because she loves you so much and i dont. because she's always there for you and i'm not. because your family likes her and they don't like me a bit. WHY? because maybe you don't really love me. maybe you just don't want to hurt me. maybe if i don't know much i can move on easily. maybe if you lie to me ill be okay. maybe i don't mean to you. maybe you are just like them who thinks of me not good enough. well..........maybe or maybe not. al i know is that i miss you so much. i want to walk now but you won't be there to walk with me. i want to cry and talk about something but you won't be there to comfort and listen to me. you said you have to be sad on your own now, coz i will no longer be there beside you...have you thought about me... when im sad, whose gonna be there ...
i hate you for not wanting me to be with you. i hate moments like this when i can't do anything when i misses you this much. is this love, well im starting to hate it. i want to believe in it no more. to shut it out of my life....to wake up each day not feeling anything. how i wish i can...
"IF ONLY
I
CAN..."

i wish..

no matter what i say...no matter what i do... don't mind me... i miss you so much... everything about you... your scent your beautiful eyes your smile that people don't see often i miss those soooooo tight hug hugs that i love more than anything else you look at me as if im somebody the same way as i look at you we can talk about anything under the sun walk through the circle sit under the moonlight eat nips jog in separate direction... and rest til the rain comes pick wild flowers drink and be drunk sing even if im out of tune eat crabs using fork and spoon wake up early for breakfast stay late for midnight snack get lost in ayala run after a cab with mcdo use band-aid to fix heels make champorado...had bad toothache laugh out loud at mrt taft station those beautiful roses our first "cartoon" movie supposedly you taught me how to play a guitar you taught me how to play chess how to cross a busy street though i haven't mastered it yet i had my first taste of street foods with my first ring most of my first that were just a dream before how i miss you... memories do last forever... the sad part is.. people don't......

be real...be true

“Love him with all your heart. Make him happy for the rest of his life. You don’t know the things he’d sacrifice just to be with you. You are sp lucky to have him beside you..:)) I wish you both happiness. Love him for who is because even if he doesn’t want to accept it yet, he loves you so much for who you are, your ups and downs and all… Learn to appreciate simple things, and always tell him that you love him.. He is such a sweet man, be sweet..a loving one, be loving…after this be mature enough to deal with things, set aside your pride..treasure each day as if it’s your last.” “ I never see him happy like this before..we love each other so much..much more than the last..lots of things change after his 1st year of sadness, he never gives a fake smile now. Thanks for reminding me to say I love him..but we do that not just everyday…we put a dot on what had happened and placed everything in memory. God Bless..” “Maraming salamat po yaba. As I have said sayo lang ako nagiging totoo, hindi niya ako nakikitang malungkot kasi tinatago ko lang lahat kapag kasama siya. I will be happy yaba, para sayo… I still believe in destiny. Bye yaba, mahal na mahal kita. Ingatan mo sarili mo at maging masaya ka na rin para sa akin. Matagal ko nang ponagsisihan ginawa ko sayo, this is the consequence…:,( ” At first, whoa…it hurts, but you know what, knowing the truth won’t change a thing now. Indirectly pinapili na kita…inaasahan ko nang sasagot siya and im happy sa sagot niya. “Pretences”--that is your choice. If you are okay with it, so be it. Though I say being true to yourself is much better, only then that you will know what love is. And only then that she will know what it is too. Don’t be unfair to her or to anyone else. Love them the way you have loved me. Be true to yourself and always put your heart to anything that you do. Come what may yaba. For now, other important things are at risk. You can handle letting me go, might as well think the same way rather than lose everything. Bye.

surprise!!!!

so that was it?.... thank you, i was so touched.. really thank you for the "birthday" gift. dnt worry, on march 20, ill not hunt you for any gift. u really made me sad...m not soooooooo stupid you konw, maybe a bit but not that much. u can tell me to leave if you want me too..it could hurt so bad at least not like the way you are doing it now. do you really want me to spill it out. im sorry you wont get a thing from me. someday, i will let you read this, but for now, as ive said i dnt want to make you sad okay... i hope you had a wonderful time last monday. first birthday huh?!!!...hayyyy, why do you have to be so insensitive... i hope i have the courage now to leave you without you telling me to...if only i can...then you won't be able to hurt me this bad..everytime you walk away from me, if only you can see it..you will see a sad face looking at you...when i told you about me crying every night, the reason was you all along...what if you knew about it even before, will you still hurt me, i bet yes...i have begged before, ill not do it again..you dnt knw how bad you've hurt me before..begging ..if only..one day i will..do wait for it..

have faith

Ate Glendz and i talked awhile ago... O told her my views about your text and here's what she said... "Ewan ko kung pareho kami pero parang ganyan din ako sa kanya dati.(when you said maybe not here..) The feeling that he wants to give you what he thinks you deserve most...that at the moment he is not capable of...He wants to give you a very nic thing and now, he's dealing with such insecurities because he knew his limitations. The problem with it, time is of essential. What they don't understand is that we are willing to start from nothing. That it is okay for us to work things out TOGETHER. We don't need anything. What's important is magkasama tayo..." After that talk, i had this hope na what if ganun nga ang gusto mo na mangyari. Still hindi pa rin mawala sa isp ko na what if wala na talagang love. I don't know, maybe mas maige na huwag ko pa ring isara ang sarili ko sa mga possibilities. Who knows di ba. But according nga to ate, time is running. What if the times comes na... What if hindi ako makapag-antay.. What if may mangyari na hindi ko kayang kontrolin, may bagay na kahit ayoko, wala akong choice...na sana if you are here hindi mangyayari ang ganun... What if...I don't know... All i know is that indeed life is UNFAIR..You don't know what it feels like hoping for something you do not KNOW... Gusto ko nang umalis dito...To search for the ANSWERS..as soon as possible...

thank you

thank you... akala ko hindi mo alam ang ginagawa mo... kung gusto kitang saktan matagal ko ng ginawa... so ganun pala, ala kang magawa saten..m not stupid, i know well why?.. coz masasaktan mo siya.. so ako, okay lang na masaktan?... bakit, sasabihin mo rin na kasi kaya ko...at siya baka hindi... kasi m strong...i dnt think that gave you or anybody else the right to hurt me this way.. kung sa right lang naman, i have all the right, the reason to hurt you and even to hurt her.. pero ginawa ko ba, no....because i know what it feels like to be badly hurt. i keep on telling you to smile, to always smile... EVER WONDER WHY? you will never know, you will never know why... you will never know what it means to be really happy.. what real happiness is... you said maybe not here... why? does loving someone needs a right place for you to love that person... if you're coward here and now, you'll always be like that no matter where you are.. dnt let other people dictate you... ive been telling you that ever since, and you never learn or you really don't want to...even if you're already hurting the only person who have loved you that much as you've told me. sabi mo ang sama na ng tingin mo sa sarili mo. That's my second reason...i dn't wanna accept the truth na ganyan na rin ang tingin ko sayo, coz di lang ikaw ang nasasaktan, lalong lalo na ako... kapag nakatalikod ka sa akin, isang masamang tao ang nakikita ko, and i dnt like thinkung about it..gusto ko na lumayo para di ka maging ganyan, di mo alam kung gaano kahirap sa akin ito... kailangan kong saktan ang sarili ko para mapasaya mo ang iba...because kapag kasama naman kita, everything is okay...pero kapag di na kita kasama, naaalala ko siya and naaawa ako sa kanya...does she know what's happening...minsan naman nagagalit ako sa kanya na gusto ko na siyang saktan..even if i know how easy it is for me to hurt her, di ko magawa...even if dati, it was so easy for her to make me cry, did i fight back, i did not...now what do i get... thank you, tell her thank you...and by the way, happy birthday on monday.. don't think that i forgot it, i will never ever forget that day...2 years ago, ang pinaka unang tao na nang-away sa akin...nang-insulto ng pagkatao ko...someone na hinayaan ko lang na saktan ako coz i thought she doesn't know what she's doing, pero now...thinking about it, she knew well enough what she's doing... the main reason...why this is happening, i will not tell you..coz alam mo na kung ano iyon...akala mo ba, kapag kasama mo ako, totoo na masaya ako...no...even if one day, you tell me that you love me, you will never make me happy... ang pinaka masakit sa lahat...na even if i fight for it, no matter what i do ill never win not unless you let me...all is up to you...sa ngayon, im 80% sure that ill lose...kahit siguro one day magkita tayo sa labas, alam ko talo pa rin ako...im praying na sana sa labas, iba ka na pero ayoko ng umasa... m not stupid, many times, alam ko ang mga pagsisinungalimg mo pero di ko pinapahalata...coz i know masasktan ka lng..makakalimutan din kita...i will do everything para makalimutan ka...kahit mahirap and i dnt know if kaya ko, pipilitin ko..stop the hurting, baka mas madami pa ang masaktan...as ive told you, kaya ko pa, kinakaya ko pa...maybe tama ng ako na lang...hindi niya kakayanin and alam kong lalo na ikaw...hangga't hindi mo kayang manindigan sa kung ano ang gusto mo, it is so easy for you to get hurt...natatakot kang magbigay kasi natatakot kang masaktan...you will never find true happiness coz you... what's in me right now...really saying what's on ones mind helps a lot... a while ago, i'm crying a river...now okay na namn ang lahat...i have to change this attitude of mine...hahaha...hay naku, ang hirap magmahal, nakakaloka...one day magiging manhid din ako...promise, pipilitin ko....

i can do this..

it is really so hard but i have to do this...
please forgive me...
you don't know how hard this is for me...
i'll miss you...

sad and happy at the same time

congratulations!!!!!!
finally, uv made it.
m so happy for you...
good thing uv tried it...
at d same tym, cnt help but be sad also.
remmber wen i said, gud thing awaits you..
well, here it is.
m sorry..i wish you all the best.
just
as iv been telling you
a million times already...
have faith
and
believe in yourself
always...
thank you
and
m happy
so happy
for you...
mmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmm

let things be if it should be

sad kapag alam mo na what you see is not the real thing...minsan, i keep on asking myself.. Who am i with? it hurts so bad, now hindi ko na alam kung ano ang totoo. sino ka kapag kasama mo ako, sino ka kapag kasama mo ang iba.. lately, hindi na ako masaya...or when in with you, hindi na ako tulad ng dati.feeling ko stranger na ang kasama ko..sad to hear but it's the truth.akala ko kaya ko, kasi just like what i've been telling you, we're old enough na to deal with things as such..pero hindi pala..minsan kapag alang acknowledgement mapapagod ka rin..yup, medyo napapagod na ako or siguro nagsasawa na or nasasaktan na.. andami ko na gustong gawin for you lalo na ngayon na alam kong andami mo na inaalala... pero naisip ko, why should i? then what? yeah, nagiging selfish na ako, pero nasasaktan na kasi ako... nagiging katulad ka na niya..you said she needed you kaya anjan ka...now feeling ko anjan ka coz you needed me..no, things shouldn't be like that...nagiging manhid ka na..antigas ng puso mo and i have to stay away for some time kasi nagiging katulad na rin kita and ayoko ng ganun.. i used to know someone who had such a loving heart, who was so sweet and all.but now, i've finally lost him though i been hoping maibabalik ko siya pero mas lalo ko lang nararamdaman na i can't because everytime were together lagi mo pinaparamdam sa akin na i am not enough.. i don't wanna end up having a stone heart..i love to love and i'll continue loving in any way that i can...i still hope that you'll come back, the real you..but for now, siguro mas maige ang ganito...it hurts so much knowing na no matter what you do, hindi ka talaga kayang mahalin ng taong pinakamamahal mo.i guess hindi naman sa sumusuko ka na, pero there are times na kailangan mo na ring tumigil siguro para na lang sa sarili mo..as long as you knew na you've done na your best, then stop na.if he's not meant for you, then he's not. sana magpatuloy na ako na ganito coz ayoko na magalit sayo and magalit eventually sa sarili ko. siguro for now, i'll love you sa sarili ko na lang na paraan..ala saysay if di mo alam pero at least hindi mo ako nasasaktan and better na di mo alam coz to be honest, i think sa ngayon, you don't deserve my love, no one does... be happy..i hope you're happy with how you live your life now...

discipline

this morning, i listened to father bitoy's homily..he talked about different ways on how to discipline ourselves.
he said that you become just like what or who you love...if you love medicine, then you'll be a doctor someday..and etc..until he reached the one that says if you love God, you'll be like God..
the homily had this effect on me because at the moment i am so worried about my two coming exams..
it gave me hope that if i love what i'm studying or if i'm that disciplined with my studies then nothing will go wrong with my exams...
i still don't know, but i have faith in myself...i can do this..
i guess believing in yourself will help you with you with anything...
if you are sad, what you're studying will not register in your mind..
so i have to think of happy things always..
well, even if i've spent almost the whole day with you..i'm so thankful because i'm so happy now...
though i had the reason again to be sad because of what i saw, i didn't gave it that much thinking because i believe what is important now is that i am with you, spending the time with you, laughing out loud with you..
happy just being with you..
thank you so much...i know this is not for long but i don't care...
still, i'm that confused about everything..asking WHY or WHAT will only make me sad and again i don't wanna be sad..
i miss my dad, really...
thank you for the time again...

now i fully understand

thank you for being there..you were right, you've got a world of your own...problems of your own...things that i don't understand about you..
i guess it is the same reason why you don't get me too..
eight months...it took me eight months to fully understand you.
thank you, from now on things will never be the same the way they used to...
nothing is wrong with me..you were right..it was all about you all along.
for some time i got confused..i got blinded and all.
i'll be okay.
for sure you will be asking me if i'm okay every now and then, and ill always say i'm okay.
even if i'm not that okay, why would you care.
i have promised you that from now on, ill bug you no more.
again, you will never know the real me because you don't deserve it..
just like them..
i hope you will be okay now..
now that i'm finally closing the door (half-close i mean, hehehe)
you told me not to close it, remember?...
you know what, ill surely miss you everyday of my life..
but i'm going to tell you no more that i miss you...
i'll only be wasting my time if i do..
i guess there really are some things that are not worth saying,
i mean, you'll only be taking those words for granted again right?
so why tell them to you..
who would want a bad day, well i don't..
hay, if only you can read this one, you'll be laughing for sure..
again, thank you so much.
i'll just be around...
if you need a friend just like what you kept on telling me..
a special friend...
you take care, okay!..

enough for now

July 29, 2007...10 pm...
Don't i have any right na magtampo...
Ayaw ko na pareho tayo umasa...talaga???
I don't know...as i've said i don't wanna end up hating you so...
i have to do this...
di ko na kaya, may bad effect agad siya sakin pero sige lang, bahala na..
huhuhu..if you only knew..
July 30,2007...7 pm...
Why are you texting me...why don't you admit kasi na you misses me as much as i misses you...
Know what, you're so ewan...basta...
do you want this also...okay...
July 31,2007...6:30pm...
Again?..Why?
I don't know,kaya ko ito...
Basta kaya ko ito...
Enough na i guess....
Aug. 1,2007...12:10am
I was crying..i want to call but...
i don't know if im doing the right thing..
right as in what?right for you or right for me or right for us...
you know me, i do what i feel like doin and i say what i feel like sayin'...
there are so many things that i wanna say to you right now but i just can't..
well i know you know why...
for a while, i wanna be not me when it comes to you...
i don't know, though it hurts...
i miss you..

more than a year

what took me this long.. i don't know, i guess i know but i don't want it... Sometimes i write when i'm extremely happy and when im so sad.. Well, today i fil both.. There is this question that kept bugging me the whole day? Would you love someone: who loves you because he/she needs you or who needs you because he/she loves you... I love dis person so much, and today i've realized that i need him in my life because i love him... Someone told me before that we don't need anybody to make us complete..we are complete with God alone..so if one day someone you love leaves you, the line that says i'm nothing without him coz he completes me is unacceptable..you see, he has a life of his own and if he leaves you, life must go on. i am complete, and if i'm with the person i love, the more that i'm complete... i am strong and when i'm with him, i become stronger. things should be like this...don't love me coz i need you rather love me coz YOU LOVE ME. seeing someone strong shouldn't make you feel weak.. look at it as a challenge,be strong on your own. do your best to become as strong as that person. if you can become stronger, the better. i guess true love is so hard to find..at this very moment, love is telling me to be weak to be with the person i love. and i don't know if i should feel sorry for i can't be weak... if you can't love me for who i am, then you haven't seen my worth yet.. if you're not challenged by this and i still keep on loving you, then i'll end up not doing what i used to believe in. why should i love someone who can't stand on his own and who believes to love someone who needed him more than i do when the truth is it appears that he is as weak as that person that he chose. hahaha, what am i saying ba... i keep on convincing myself things that i don't know how to handle.. well things that my mind can handle but no matter what i do, my heart jus't can't. i guess this is what they say na true love, hahahaha. sabi nga ni ate glends, if it makes you happy, go on. i need you coz i love you. if you can't love me for who i am, it's okay.. still i will keep on loving you. i believe love should be unconditional. if loving you alone makes me strong, come to think of it if you love me too.. then i'll be the strongest person that i'll ever be.. same as if you love me not coz i neeeded you but coz you just love me... that loving me alone makes you strong...and if i love you too, then you should feel stronger... feeling strong WHEN YOUR WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE is not enough.. you should feel STRONGER... to the sense that that feeling alone, you can actually say that truly.. love conquers everything.... how i wish you can read my mind everytime we're together.. i love you and i will keep on loving you. call me stupid or insane for loving someone who says he cares and love me, but we are not together---i don't care. all i know is that i love you and that's it.. i got tired of asking too many WHYs'... now with even a 1% hope of WHAT IF, i'll keep on holding on that ONE DAY, YOU WILL KNOCK AT MY DOOR and say that... I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE COZ I LOVE YOU... this is what love is...if it doesn't work with you, it works with me... and i'm okay with it.. one day, you will feel the same... goodluck...